Hawaii

The Reason for the Absence

Life has not been all hunky dory for me lately. Actually is been pretty darn (insert 4 letter word here). I've been allowing it to get to me, and was barely hanging on to my sanity by the tiniest thread. I was just waiting for our UK holiday to get away from the reality of my life for a while, when that too caved in on me. The British consulate denied my visa (for the most ridiculously stupid reasons). I had been hanging on to this holiday a little harder than I think I realized, and when it was rudely stripped from me, I went into a downward spiral. I honestly didn't care if I lived through another day. Thats how bad it was.

I was gutted about missing Abby's wedding. I was completely gutted that I wouldn't get time with one of the people in this world that knows me better than I know myself - Jenni. And, the way I saw it, my marriage really, really needed time away from computers, iphones, wii systems and anything related. I was also really excited for Mack to get to meet MY highschool friends, and get to see a side of me that he's never seen before. I was also really ready to go to a place where I understood the people, the food and the language. To me there was so much more riding on this trip than just a holiday.

Mack had already taken the 17 days off work, and the thought of spending that time at home looking after Taz while Mack ignored me to play his stupid video games, put me even further over the edge. I told him I needed to get away and go somewhere - anywhere, preferably some place warm, and that if we didn't get away and work on our relationship, I didn't see our marriage lasting through the end of the year. I was just so tired of playing second fiddle to a bunch of inanimate objects.

Luckily, my husband does love me, (he doesn't show it, but apparently he does love me), and he booked a trip for us to Hawaii. Its amazing what 7 nights and 8 days of sun and beach can do for a little girl from Cape Town.

I'll be honest, it wasn't the most amazing vacation I've ever taken, but it really helped. I spent alot of time looking after Tamsine while Mack snorkeled or played games on his iphone. But, being so close to the ocean again, smelling the salt in the air, the warmth of the sun on my face, hearing my little girls giggles as she ran into the water, and the gentle ebb and flow of the waves, seemed to help calm my anxieties and release alot of the tension that had been building in me. And eventually Mack realized that my idea of relaxing and his idea of relaxing are two completely different things, and bending over holding Tamsine while she frolicked in the water wasn't exactly the best thing for my fractured back. So, he eventually allowed me some time to just lie on the beach and read a book while he played with Munchkin in the waves. It was soothing for my soul.

And now we're back and things are better. And I'm ready to face life again.

My Husband, the Budding Photog

Mack is taking a digital photography class this semester. As a result, I have lost my camera. But, on the upside he's teaching me alot about my camera and how to use it. Because of my film degree I understand what he's talking about, but I'm no photographer so its nice to finally know what the heck those people I worked with were doing. Here are a couple of his completely untouched images.

Independence

How to Keep a 1 yr Old Occupied

This is how I occupy my child while cooking. Works like a charm!

Rain, Rain

We had our first rain of the season the other day, and Taz thought she was in heaven. She absolutely loves anything to do with water. She'll sit on the patio for hours playing with a few bowls of water. So when water fell from the sky, she thought she had hit the jackpot. There was water everywhere. Of course Mack and I had to capture the moment.

Whoopee and Then Some!!!

We did it! Our tickets to England are booked. My visa application has been mailed. Now we just wait.

I'm not very good at waiting. I'm a little impatient. Usually. This time however, regardless of how excited I am to see old friends and show Mack my old haunts, there is this one little dark cloud on the horizon. I fear the 12 hour plane ride with a toddler. She is a very good toddler, but does not enjoy being confined in any way shape or form, like say having to sit still through take offs and landings and pretty much most of the flight. I know we're not the first to do this, I know we won't be the last, but the the horror stories of other parents who have done the same keep me apprehensive.

Its a good thing its too late to turn back now! Other than that, WOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

I Know Whats Wrong

So I finally know what is wrong with me. The MRI showed that I have fractured the second to last disc in my lower back, which is leaking fluid, which is causing inflammation, which is causing pressure on my spinal cord, which is causing the serious amounts of pain that I've been in. It isn't something that can be fixed with surgery (which I'm relieved about). So right now I'm on anti inflammatories and muscle relaxers (to help me sleep). I also have to wear a back brace, and start physical therapy on Monday. The specialist said that the right kinds of exercise would help me heal, but that I would never completely heal from an injury like this. He also said that this would be a long healing process and to only expect a 10-20% improvement a month. Sjo!

I Laugh....Really

This is what happens when mommy has to spend most of her day lying on the couch.

A Doctor Who Finally Knows...

I have been dealing with all kinds of weird pains for the last two years now. It started out as crazy stomach pains - I went to the doctor, who sent me for a full body cat scan, who then told me he couldn't see anything wrong with me, who then made me pee on a stick and told me I was pregnant and thats why I was in pain. I miscarried a few days later. The doctor told me the pain was due to the fact I was about to miscarry. I told him that was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. His reply was, "Well in that case your symptoms are going to have to get seriously worse before we can diagnose you." Stupid (insert unflattering, 4 letter word here).

So, I just lived with the pain. Then I got pregnant with Taz, and as my pregnancy progressed, I started getting these shooting pains down my legs, and chronic lower back pain. Some days I couldn't even walk. When I asked my doctor about the pain, he said, "You're pregnant, you're going to be in pain." I figured that I should at least be able to walk. He fobbed me off a couple of times. So, eventually I just lived with the pain...still. Another stupid (insert different 4 letter word).

After I had Taz, the pain was still there. Amazing. I visited a different doctor, who told me it was the muscles across my hips and sent me for physical therapy. The physical therapist told me it was because my hip was out by an inch. He reset my hip and I went for massages for a month to relax the muscles in my back. (I'm not complaining about that one). The therapy worked for a little while, but then...da,da,da...the pains came back full force. And when I say full force, I mean seriously strong shooting pains that buckled my legs and made me cry.

So, I went to a different doctor, who told me that my hips were all wonky cause I was born with a dislocated hip, that I would never be able to run again in my life, and that I should just console myself with the fact that I'll have to take things easy ...for the rest...of..my...life. (Ha, what are the chances of that happening with a 1yr old?). Anyway, just to be safe the doctor referred me to an Orthopead.

By this time, the shooting pains had increased, my legs and feet felt bruised, and my right foot was mostly numb 24/7. The Ortho took one look at my hip x-rays and told me it wasn't my hips in any way shape or form, (I wanted to cry), but, as luck would have it their back specialist was in that day and that he had agreed to see me.

The back specialist took x-rays of my spine and within two seconds told me I had mild scoliosis and a herniated disc in my lower back. He sent me for an MRI, and now I'm just waiting for my appointment with him next week to find out my treatment.

Wahoo! Finally somebody with half a brain that could tell me why I'm in pain, that its totally treatable, and with a little exercise and stretching I'll be just fine.

Why none of the other doctors thought to take x-rays of my back...beats me! (once again insert not so nice word for the idiot doctors.)

4 Years Down - Eternity to Go

Happy 4th wedding anniversary to me!

Red, White and Blue

Yesterday, ten years ago I arrived in the US of A. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!!! I can't. Ten years already. Wow!

Time Away From It All

Tazling and I have been enjoying the sun, sand and "surf". Allyson invited us up to Bear Lake to spend a few days with her and the kids. We had a super time up there. Here's the proof:







Oh and "the girls" learned to windsurf as well. Technically though, is it still considered windsurfing if there isn't very much wind? Would it just be considered surfing? But, then again, there wasn't any surf. So all I was really doing, was standing on a board holding up a sail looking a little like a wally.







(Allyson was by far the best...the woman has skills I tell you...skills.)

No More Dirty Knees

I promised pictures of the munchkin getting her walk on - here they are. I call her my little monkey walker, cause she walks with her hands above her head and her little tongue out. Way too adorable for words.

Baby Steps

My baby has finally picked up the courage to let go of my finger and take her first tentative steps by herself. She is LOVING it! Today I sat on one side of her room, and she would hold onto the side of her bed, take about five steps and then launch herself into my arms. The smile on her face was incredible. Then I'd turn her around and steady her, and she would walk and throw herself against the bed in her room. It won't be long now and she'll be two stepping around the whole house. I'll post a picture as soon as I don't have to be as hands on in the process. Trust me - its worth the wait!

Rose Bowl Weekend

We debuted fern & lola at the Pasedena Rose Bowl in California this weekend. I was so nervous to go, to get feedback, and to just try and sell our stuff. What if nobody liked them? What if people told us it was a stupid idea? What if we didn't sell a single thing? The night before I didn't sleep, my stomach was in a knot.

We got up at 4am, packed up the car and headed out to Pasadena. We set up our little tent and waited. And, would you know people really liked our stuff. We had one woman wanting to represent us. A textile designer gushed over us. A woman who made and sold goods for Bloomingdales window displays told us we were amazing, and that we should be selling on Rodeo drive. And, they bought our stuff. We actually sold stuff. Even people that were just there to brouse or as something to do, stopped, asked us questions and gave really favourable comments. Even MEN! (and they weren't even gay). So we came away from the experience pretty elated, and ready to take fern and lola to the next level.

Check out our little set up( you can't really see it, but our banner has a border of leaves scratched into the paint. It looks much cooler in person), oh and especially take a look at Allyson's paisley design which I just lurve.

Whew!

I know I've been a little distant lately, but I have been oh so busy with my little life.

I'm flying to Los Angeles this weekend for the debut of fern & lola at a pretty darned huge craft market called the Rose Bowl. So, I've been painting my rounded rear off (if only that could really reduce the size of my posterier I would be a very productive woman). I also volunteer with the Family Readiness Group (FRG) for Mack's military unit, and so have been doing stuff for them. I also spent a fabulous 4th of July weekend at Bear Lake, where I just vegged. I am also in alot of pain and can barely walk with a bit of a hip problem ( I have to see an orthopedic doctor). I also have a very active one year old that has suddenly decided she can't function unless she's attached to my leg in some way. I also have decided that I really, really, really need a massage.

And thats all for now. More after the weekend.