Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow Bloody pain!

So I've been having the worst abdominal pains. Not really sure what they are - neither does the bloody doctor. What use is a degree in medicine when all he could tell me was to take some ibuprofen. Time to research WebMD on my own. I'll get to the bottom of this - I wasn't Time Magazines person of the year for nothing.