Pain, Pain Go Away

The pain drains me and makes it hard to function. I don't have a choice though and function I must. I'm sure Taz senses when I am most low, because those are the days she is the whiniest, clingiest and most uncooperative. I try so hard to be positive through the pain, but every now and then it gets to me. I become resentful, moody and incredibly unpleasant to be around. The people around me don't understand. I don't blame them.

I'm trying to come to terms with this as being my lot in life. I'm trying to find the lessons I'm supposed to be learning from this. The pain consumes my thoughts and blocks out all reason. Sometimes I can handle it. Most of the time though I rage against it in my head. I resent pain free, healthy people. I resent Mack for his ability to move, exercise and play with our kids with a smile on his face.

Normally when I need a release I can have a good cry and feel better. The pain has taken that away from me too. Nothing helps.

I am tired, I am depressed, I am morbid, I am resentful, I am snippy. I apologize.